it's better like the way it is

to understand everything is to forgive everything -Buddha

tout comprendre est tout pardonner. french sounds more catchy. haha!hmm..it's a good quote actually. ok. i know my exam is knocking my door, waiting for me to open it.ohh i just want to say this thing while it's still in my system. i came across this quote in tumblr. and i kind of..making myself to think of it.behind the words, thousands of meanings hidden.i know it's just a simple,straight-forward quote. and yet still, wars here and there and everywhere in this world. it goes to me too. i hold grudge on things people did to me.i don't care who they are. if u messed up with me, you should never show yourself in front of me.never.again.


actually to think of it, this quote has the same meaning with rukun iman keenam iaitu percaya qada' dan qadarNya. or in simpler words, ada hikmah di sebalik setiap kejadian. when something happened, a very bad thing like we lost our child, or someone had broken into our house.we tend to be angry, mad and furious. sometimes we even blame Him.why did He chose you.why not someone else?we never understand why this thing happened. this is when we have to remember that the incidence because of something. there's must be a reason behind it.something good for us. then comes the quote : to understand everything is to forgive everything. let it go and forgive those who made us mad.

i just watched my name is khan last wednesday. well, as i stated before, you have to forgive everything before you understand. the same goes to mandira (kajol).she had to let go his dead son to achieve her own happiness with rizvan (shah rukh khan).she had to forgive him cause it's not his fault.hmm...however my friends,i realised that i just can't apply this in my very own life in some particular matters. because they hurt me so much that i could barely believe that i could be happy once more.it felt like i had been cursed or something. what a silly thought.well you see,i felt like it was a recurrent trauma because same things keep on happening to me over and over again.sometimes back then i even thought that i was bringing bad, and very bad luck to people around me that i tried to shunt myself away.huhu.. 


but i still believe in qada' and qadar.i know and i assure that i realise lots of things that happened to me and the reasons.i realise how i am changing now.even though there were some tough times that nobody would imagine happened to me, and there they were.standing behind my back and beside me holding my hands to reassure me everything's gonna be alright.that it's ok if i did this and that.i am a bad and naughty girl..(i CAN'T say i was a bad and naughty girl cause i'm not very sure if i've been good enough.) thank you for lending your ears to listen to me.thank you for lending your shoulder for me to cry on.thank you for lending hands that holding mine tightly and giving me strength to face the world.thanks for all the hugs that had soothed my heart.thanks for everything to everyone.i AM trying to change.so please bear with me a little longer.and thanks for that too.i can't repay for all the kindness that had been done to me.


for those who hurt me before, or hurting me right this moment, or will hurt me later (which we'll never know), whether i'll forgive you but i'll never forget or i'll forget but will never forgive you.it's either one.i'm sorry not to  be able to forgive and forget because my memories are filled with unpleasant experiences since childhood. and you just made my life worse by hurting me.so..NO i can't change this side of me.or i'll be hurting myself and the people i love.i am happy this way.and it's the best path that i ever chose.i know i will never regret this whenever i look back.=)

p/s: if to understand everything,i have to forgive everything

then i choose NOT to understand anything.. =)