Amr Diab

i learn to listen to arabic songs since 2000. the moment i first heard his beautiful voice, i just couldn't stop myself from replaying his Tamally Maak..beautiful song, it is.gosh.though i did not understand a word from the song, but i still could feel the love that he tried to convey through the song. menusuk kalbu. actually i still listen to that one song untill now.13 years.OMG.

and i actually never looked up for him, until now. sorry for being ignorant. anyhow hey, it's his birthday! Happy Birthday Amr Diab! may Allah bless you with all happiness in the world! no wonder i just couldn't stop listening to his golden voice. he's the King of Middle East!in music world, of course.fun fact there.

ok la. that's all for now.till then~

ikhlaskanlah wahai siti khadijah..

Hi..i'm in need of scribbling something.in need of a little ranting and raving about..

IKHLAS.

tampak kecil. terdengar mudah. dipandang remeh.

tak dianggap.

senang kita nak sebut,

"kau ikhlaskan je duit yang dah hilang tu..tak ada rezeki.."

"saya ikhlas nak kawan dengan awak..saya sungguh-sungguh ikhlas ni.."

tapi ikhlaskah kamu?ikhlaskah dia?orang cakap ikhlas ni tak perlu beritahu, kalau sibuk dikhabar, dicanang,itu tak ikhlas.betul ke?kalau macam tu, macam mana nak tahu orang tu ikhlas atau tidak? boleh..daripada perbuatan dia je,kita boleh nampak..tapi adakah sejernih itu niat orang yang bisa kita baca?

dan,

macam mana nak ikhlaskan hati kita untuk sesuatu yang memang hati kita tahu, tak boleh nak lepaskan, tak boleh nak fahamkan akal fikiran kita yang sesuatu itu, bukan untuk kita, tapi sesungguhnya hak yang tercipta itu seharusnya diberikan pada kita?

tidak redhakah aku atas takdirNya?derhakakah aku pada Sang Pencipta dengan qada' dan qadarnya?Jahanamkah pengakhiranku nanti?

i'm so confused. i know i'm a good girl. ok. i'm trying to be one. trying very hard, indeed. i know i'm not perfect. i am well aware of that. tapi mungkin ini ujian yang Allah turunkan pada aku. sebagai tanda Dia masih sayang pada aku..masih ingat pada hamba kerdil dan hina yang satu ini..

aku masih belum boleh ikhlaskan apa yang terjadi pada aku. bukan semua..aku boleh ikhlaskan banyak perkara. aku boleh lepaskan apa saja. tapi tetap. ada beberapa yang masih belum kuat untuk aku relakan. aku bersyukur atas apa yang sudah dan pernah aku miliki.

tapi,

aku tetap rasa jahatnya hati aku. tak dapat nak lepaskan kesalahan yang pernah mereka lakukan pada aku. sekelumit dendam tetap ada. aku maafkan mereka, tapi, tak pernah aku lupa. aku tak ikhlas. ya Allah..bantulah aku..

there's no such thing as a manual book of sincerity. nothing like being sincere for dummies. you know, if such books were ever existed, i still can't do it. it's back to the heart. it's the center of mind and soul.sigh.

though,

i'm not giving up. aku akan terus belajar untuk terima, redha, dan ikhlas dengan semuanya. SEMUA. baby steps. it's time consuming. maybe it'll cost me to lose people i love. but, i shall learn to accept everything happened for a reason. and i'm going to be ikhlas about it.

ya Allah..ajari aku untuk mengikhlaskan segalanya.  

6th day

Hey you,it's 6th day!
How time flies.
My love for you is deeper than before.
And i'm sure yours too will never die.
So, let's celebrate another step towards future
And pray that we are given the strength,
To face this world together,hand in hand.
Cause no matter what,with you by my side
Everything will be alright.
I love you.

Istana Ratu Boko, Jogjakarta

August,2013

Short update

Finally,i have time to indulge myself in writing and whining again.yes.i don't know if there were any of you out there who cared enough to read my blog.but well,please excuse me for i was busy all this while.. *yeah right,lola..you haven't wrote any post for almost a year!* ok,i admit,sometimes i did have time but i just didn't have the idea.writer's block!and no tonight i'm just saying hello before properly write any topic.i've been coping with medical school.and lately it's hardest ever.so pray for my success dear friends.pray hard.thanks!

Tonight,i'm too sleepy,too exhausted that my eyes can no longer sleep.i'm mentally damaged.ha.ha.so i guess a little rambling will not cause further harm to my already damaged brain.hoho.i miss my friends so much.recently,i got finally contacted 2 of my long lost friends *not that long..we lost contact a few years back* through whatsapp and i'm so happy about it.like a kid given a candy.and my housemate had given birth to a beautiful baby girl named Imtiyaz Safiyya.beautiful name too,right?and another friend of mine had given birth to a handsome baby boy named Ayyash Al Fateh.awesome huh.and my dearest and eldest Forever 21 Farhana is expecting.she is currently in Malaysia planning to give birth in our beloved country.good luck babe!

Well,that's a glimpse of what is happening in my life now.not to mention my additional 6 months of internship that was informed to us 2 weeks before our rotation finished.*actually it was yet decided until a couple of weeks back.like whatttt??* ok.that will be all for now.bonne nuit!

my last on call as a co-assistant

Internal Medicine Department

August,2013