Letter for Arman El Kamil

 Dearest gentle readers,

Today is my firstborn's 8th birthday. Happy birthday Arman El Kamil!

You are my son, my beloved firstborn. I know I haven't been the best mommy and yet you still love me. Thank you for being my son. You made me a mother. All of your firsts are mine too. Mommy is always proud of you my dear. No matter what, I always love you. It may seem I'm a little harsh towards you, but please bare with me.. One day you I hope you will understand that I have been meaning well and hoping the best for you and nothing else. 

I pray that you will be protected from any harm, physically, emotionally, and socially too! You have been always showing the tough side (stubbornness from me I think) but I know deep down, you are as soft-hearted as your daddy. 

To be honest, I don't know why, I do see you like the little me. And I meant to make sure that you get what I never got, and the better of them! It's not right to have this idea, I don't know. I'm sorry, but, believe me, this is for your own good, darling. May Allah guide me to be the best mother for you and your siblings. I have so many things to tell you. I hope to tell you later. 

I love you, Son..let's make this short. 

Again. 

Happy birthday Arman El Kamil!

Arman El Kamil

 

A self-reminder

 Assalamualaikum dearest gentle readers, gaya Lady Whistledown from the Bridgerton series versi muslimah, LOL. okay, from the top.

Assalamualaikum dearest gentle readers,

I have been feeling unsettling for the past few weeks. But, this week I cannot afford to dawdle here and there as I have so many things my plate at the moment, especially for my office job.

I have few teaching sessions, and I as the teacher (can you imagine, me?ha.ha) for MASTER students. gosh. what an honour. Well, of course, I will be doing sharing sessions on information that I know and hope to give insights for them to familiarize with in future. A journal presentation, this was annual thing for all officers here. While I was in clinical field, we did have this as well. So, not much difference. And a meeting with the big boss, my head of institute regarding our upcoming roadshow programme to introduce and promote our guideline, will tell the story about this later.

ohh.. so much to ramble and I almost missed the point. Anyway, so this unsettling feeling has been tugging in my heart for some period of time. I keep on thinking about life & death. Alhamdulillah it is a major reminder for myself that life is so short, and I have to strive for the Afterlife as well. I felt so down to the point that I think my time will come soon. Scary. Betul la tu.. kita kena takut dengan kematian. Terima kasih ya Allah atas peringatan ini. 

This morning I listened to a nasheed. The song describes on death, what happens after your passing, the terrifying feeling upon waiting the Malaikat Munkar & Nakir to come and ask you the very 3 questions we have been hearing all our life. And it reminds me on my sorrow howling cry during Amad passing, hoping my dear brother dipermudahkan urusannya di Alam Kubur.. Allahummafirlahu warhamhu waafihi wafuanhu.. Al-Fatihah untuk Muhammad Nur Zein.

Indeed, it's a reminder for me to never forget that death is nearest to us. So, I am telling myself to get back up, become the better me, fight for this life untuk mengejar keredhaan Allah..

A reminder for all you too.